Monday, November 21, 2005

December 2005 Christine's Corner

Not long ago, I was visiting with a dear friend of mine, Dale, who has been going through quite a few challenges in his life. He has had several health challenges for years now and is also watching his son go through a debilitating health condition of his own. Dale has been in my life over thirty years as a teacher, a mentor, and most importantly a friend. Our friendship is one that could never diminish. Although there have been great lengths of time throughout our lives when we do not connect as often as we would like or should, when we do connect it is always, without fail, on a deep and heart-felt level.

Both lovers of writing and great reading, Dale and I have engaged in numerous years of sparring with one another on the subject of writing. Invariably Dale and I chide one another about how the other should write more and when the other will finally publish. So this year, I decided to take a time out from my normal daily life and travel to visit him for the first annual Writers Fest just for the two of us. We spent five glorious days together, writing and talking, and sharing stories about our lives, our feelings, our perspectives on life, living and dying. Of course, we had so much catching up to do, we did not actually start writing until Day 3, and in truth, we spent far more time talking than we did writing. At the end of the five days, we parted - both of us earning the distinction of grand prize winners with honors in sacred friendship.

Now, six months later, as I sit pondering the coming holidays and my loved ones, I realize that the feelings I felt sharing my experiences and inner thoughts with my dear friend are the same feelings that the holidays evoke. The feeling of connecting, truly connecting with oneself, with another human being, with God, our Source, or a power greater than ourselves, is an incredibly powerful feeling. Whether created through words, through touch, or even through silence, prayer or meditation, the experience of connecting evokes feelings of love and the action of choosing to connect, in whatever form, is in itself an act of love.

At one point in our conversation, Dale expressed to me a sentiment that I suspect many people who are suffering from debilitating conditions feel. Who are we, as individuals, when our physicality has diminished, when our ability to provide for and care for others and our own selves has diminished from what it once was? Are we lesser as human beings when we can no longer do things for other people physically? These questions are complex and difficult for they not only touch on the ageless question of who we are but also what our value is at our core.

What is it about ourselves that provides value for the people in our lives? It is easy for all of us to mistakenly identify what we can do for others as the measure of our value, particularly for those who may no longer be able to do as much physically as they once could. But in truth, is not our core value as human beings our ability to simply be who we are as individuals and share that incredible essence with others in the world? It is so easy to feel less as humans when we are facing enormous challenges, when we can perhaps no longer do things we once did. Change can be an incredibly frightening experience, evoking feelings of powerlessness and fear. However, change can also provide you with the opportunity for enormous personal and spiritual growth - benefits that are immeasurably valuable.

In my own life as I have watched loved ones struggle with health conditions, I have seen their bodies change, joined with them as they have traversed through the emotional, physical and spiritual journey that the different challenges of their realities bring. As I have experienced myself, it is difficult for others to truly comprehend and know what another person is living and feeling. But what I have come to understand in my own life, from my own experiences is that we all change each day. Some cells die and others are born, we may take on a new habit or make an emotional breakthrough, our bodies may grow or become smaller or become diseased. In our heads it may take us a while to learn to recognize our changed selves or changed loved ones. In our hearts, however, we have the ability to transcend anything. While our bodies morph and change with time and the passing years, with good health and poor health, at our core, we are spirit. We are magnificent, powerful and beautiful, regardless of our physical condition or abilities.

We all have challenges - whether those challenges are physical, emotional, spiritual, or financial. By the simple nature of being in this world, we are destined to face challenges. Some challenges we will overcome, and others may prove to be difficult for us to face. And it is not always easy to remember while we are in the midst of our own challenges, whatever they may be, that each person in our lives is experiencing their own set of struggles even though they may be different from our own.

As humans, perhaps one of our greatest gifts is the ability to help one another, to connect and be there for each other, to support each other as we travel the personal journey of living. The greatest joy is choosing to connect through our challenges, despite our challenges, to share ourselves with one another freely. For someone who is struggling with a health challenge, that can be difficult because there is so much emotional pain tied to the experience of the physical reality. It can be enormously difficult to begin to accept yourself in new roles than you have had before, to allow others to care for you without feeling like a burden. But in truth, even though health challenges can have an aspect of needing others to help with physical needs, we all need other people to help us in our lives.

We are all connected in this world. Although we all live our own experiences, create our own lives, have our own joys and sorrows, triumphs and tragedies, we are more similar than we are different. One of the most fascinating aspects of living is that we are all individuals, but that as individuals we are all connected to one another. Whether your belief is that God created us all or whether you simply recognize that we are all connected by the human species, we are all, in our essence, family.

One of the miracles in being human is that we all have opportunities to give and receive. For those of us who are supporting and loving someone with a health challenge, there are so many rewards in being able to give that support. And there is a very important message to be received by those who are struggling with a health challenge and one that I hope so many of you will be able to truly hear. And it is simply this: The people in your life who are caring for you and loving you through this time are receiving just as much from you than you are from them. The joy of being able to be with you, to speak with you, to love you and perhaps even help you, is a gift. That gift is not just a gift from your loved one, but it is also an incredibly powerful gift that you give to them. While those who are ill struggle with feelings of guilt for needing the help of others, those who care for you struggle with not being able to do more, feeling inadequate from not somehow being able to miraculously heal you through their love. And throughout those personal struggles on each side of the fence, what we all bring to one another is simply the act of loving, of choosing to connect with one another, to share what we have freely - the magnificence of simple moments with one another sharing through our hearts.

In this, the season of holidays that calls us to remember a greater purpose and calling, may each and every one of us reach out to another individual. Whether that individual is a loved one we see every day or once a year, or someone we do not know living half the world away, we as individuals have something to offer to everyone we meet every day. May we all remember in these moments of hectic shopping and endless lists of things to do this holiday season, that the most important thing we give to each other and to ourselves is our love. And as I have found not only with Dale, but with so many others in my life, love is never-ending and the most powerful force in the world.

Many, many blessings to you and those you love this holiday season. And Dale, if you are reading - I anxiously await your next written masterpiece.

~posted by Christine, 4:06 PM