Ask any kid what their mom is most afraid of and I bet you’ll find a common theme: Kindergarteners have name and address labels sewn inside their backpacks. Grade-schoolers learn to recite their phone numbers from memory. Pre-teens are dropped at the movies with in-case-of-emergency, pre-paid cell phones. And teenagers are asked to rattle off in-depth itineraries before borrowing the car on Friday night. When you’re a kid, it becomes clear very early on that your mom’s greatest fear is that you will get lost.
And for good reason! When we were small, our parents already knew all too well that life was filled with paths to wander and cracks to slip into. Outside of the safety of a firmly gripped hand, the woods and back roads and grocery store aisles were ripe with danger. Our moms invested so much time creating caring for us that they couldn’t bear the thought of letting us out of their sight.
Though they taught us well, what our parents couldn’t account for, with all their hand-holding and proactive protection is that even as adults, we still have the propensity to get lost. When your mom (or dad) finally loosened the reigns and let you out into the world, what was your first move? Maybe you ran as far away as possible… to college, a new city, a first job, to all of the shiny new opportunities of a grown-up life. Or, maybe you stayed close by… living in the same room, the same town, finding comfort in the familiarity of your childhood life. Whether you’re close to home or halfway across the world, there’s a good chance that you’ve gone astray at one point or another.
Perhaps you packed up all your belongings and road-tripped across the country for a new, profitable job, to find that the position was nowhere near what you’d hoped. Maybe you were finally blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby, only to be overwhelmed by the rollercoaster of hormones, the sleepless nights and the zombie-like state that ensued. Maybe you made a happy life in the town where you were born, but as your friends moved away and your last child left for college, you discovered that your house no longer felt like home.
Whether you’re just starting out in life or muddling through middle-age, we’ve all come face-to-face with that ‘How did I get here?’ feeling. Thankfully, when you feel like you’re moving (or even careening) in the wrong direction, the wise teachings of your fearful mother can help get you back on track.
When you realize that you’re lost:
1. Get oriented to your surroundings.
As soon as you know that you’re not where you want to be, stand still and take stock of your current location. Where are you living? Who are you with? What season is it? All of these keen observations can help you to determine whether you’ve been in a similar situation before. If so, you may already know the right steps to take. If not, you can further examine which of these variables is making you feel out of your element.
2. Take out your map.
Sometimes, when I get that sinking sense of doubt about what I’m doing with my life, I just want to crawl in a hole and avoid the barrage of questions and concerns that will keep me up at night. Instead of hiding from the truth, try getting the questions out in the open and the answers may follow. A good exercise is to sit in a quiet place and write each concern you have as it comes to mind. You don’t have to fix them on the spot, but mapping out the issues will help you prioritize which changes you need to make right away and which can wait.
3. Retrace your steps.
Perhaps you feel like a string of bad decisions have led you down the wrong path. Taking the wrong job, moving to the wrong city, working the wrong hours… choices that are misaligned with your true values can snowball quickly. If you can, step back and see if you’ve left a trail. Try to recover the first time you started feeling lost; there’s a chance that undoing that one decision will turn your whole trajectory around.
4. Call for help.
Okay, so maybe you don’t have a fancy emergency whistle. But you probably do have a cell phone. If you’ve tried to make your way out of the woods on your own, but still can’t find a clearing, it may be time to reach for some outside help. Is there someone in your life who knows your deepest passions and truly wants to see you succeed? As hard as it may be to reach out, contacting this supportive source can help you get some clarity and an unbiased perspective.
5. Unload dead weight.
All hikers know that, when you’re making your way through the woods, less is more. Can you identify particular things, people or events that are weighing you down and making it hard for you to reach your true potential? If so, now is the time to let these burdens go. Whether it is cleaning out a closet or ending a toxic relationship, unloading your baggage can give you the burst you need to get moving in the right direction.
6. Follow a star.
When you’re doubting your life’s meaning and purpose, it is tough to find reasons to believe in yourself. So, don’t (for now)! Instead of focusing on your own fears and faults, immerse yourself in studying someone inspirational. It doesn’t matter whether you choose JFK or Oprah. When you learn about the path of a great leader, you’ll find steps you can mimic to get ‘un-stuck’ and solace in the realization that they’ve been lost before, too.
7. When all else fails, find a warm place to sleep.
As the darkness creeps in, you may be feeling like you’re just too weary to pull yourself up and put on a happy face. So, take a break instead. In life, we go through cycles of noisy, productive creativity and quiet, reflective repose. If you’ve been going non-stop, fatigue may be causing you to feel bewildered. Take some time to focus on relaxation – get a massage, sleep in, go for long walks or even call in sick to work. You may be surprised at how the path seems clearer when you’re well-rested.
All of the tips and tricks above are well- known to the boy scout, the hiker and the hunter as well as moms all over the world. However, there is one piece of age-old advice that I would NOT suggest when you’re feeling lost in your life; Don’t stay in one place and wait for someone to find you! Though this tactic may work for a young child in a crowded shopping mall, you’ll be better off if you keep moving forward.
Whether you’ve been feeling lost for a few moments or a few years, recognizing and moving toward your true values and goals will help you to achieve them. In fact, as you take action to find your way, you may realize that right now, you are actually exactly where you need to be.
