Recently, on the MIE Radio Network, I found myself having a conversation with Corin Johnston about what it means to be a “succulent wild woman” and whether we view ourselves as one. For anyone who doesn’t know, there are many celebrations for women during the month of March, among them, International Women’s Day, which was the catalyst for us to examine the topic.
Corin and I had found an article discussing “succulent wild women”, a term that I believe was coined by female author SARK, who wrote a book by the same name. The article’s author described succulent wild women as women who are unafraid to bring their full presence and power to their lives. These women feel no need to “dial themselves down” among others just so others wouldn’t be uncomfortable around them or judge them.
I don’t think living a succulent life, rich with the fullness of who you are, is restricted to women, although I do think that in general we are taught to temper ourselves and our own innate power more than men in our society. I’d love to have that conversation with men though to see if they hold the same perspective.
Most of us are taught to be humble, to let our actions speak for themselves, and not to toot our own horns too much. That’s part of the training we receive as we grow within our society. But have you ever stopped to consider whether or not you feel that you’re dimming your own light, not fully embracing the totality of being uniquely you in the world as a result?
It’s an interesting discussion to hold, even just within yourself, to consider how many of us go through our lives playing ourselves small in front of other people so they won’t feel uncomfortable, that we won’t stand out too much, that other people will like us. I think most of us, if we’re honest, would admit to having taken that approach in our lives at least from time to time.
I’ve talked at length before about the topic of owning our own power, a skill that I am still polishing and learning as each year passes. Part of why I find life exciting is because I get to experience different aspects of myself throughout the journey. Like all of us, there have been times in my life that my experiences have led me to discover new facets of who I am as a person, and other experiences that have caused me to decide that I want to explore nuances of myself that are more subtle than others.
To me, owning your own power means that you show up in your life being exactly who you are. No apologies, no guilt, no shame, no need to “dial down” your emotions or expressions of who you are. Those moments that we allow ourselves to fully and completely be who we are without apology, without fear of judgment are incredible and feel very freeing.
But living life with wild abandon, as I put it, can also be challenging. For many of us it is a learned skill to not care what others think of us, to live and walk our own truths whether or not other people “get” us. And I would hasten to say that most of us don’t live our lives fully and completely in that manner in every moment.
For most of us, living life with wild abandon, living the succulent, wild life, is often a process of taking baby steps. We take one chance at a time, learning as we do so that we’re okay not just being who we are but being excited to be exactly who we are.
Living a succulent life doesn’t mean that you take unnecessary risks or strive to get all of the attention in a room. Nor does it mean that you never make mistakes. It means that you are comfortable within your own skin, that you are excited to be exactly who you are, and celebrate that person.
Some of us come into this world fully aware of who we are as individuals. Even more of us take a lifetime to figure out who we are, become more comfortable with what we discover about ourselves and even longer to feel comfortable expressing the totality of who we are with the world.
Take a look at your own life for a moment. Now imagine that there is a scale from 0-10 where 10 is the state when you’re living the most fully, bringing everything you are into each and every moment and celebrating that fullness. How would you rate yourself on a daily basis? My suspicion is that most of us live on that scale somewhere in the middle. I’ve lived at nearly every number on that spectrum and it’s still a journey. I hope that as I move more fully into my awareness of myself and move forward in my life that I will live more and more moments at the 10 aspect of that scale.
Being human can be glorious and magical and it can also at times be messy and painful. While many of us strive to be more authentically who we are, there are just as many who struggle to accept who they are, the events that have occurred in their lives, etc. We can be headed in a certain direction in our lives and have something happen that takes us completely off course. We don’t always know how to respond to our emotions or the events in our lives, and we can lose our way.
We can all think of times in our lives when our path forward seemed uncertain, when we struggled to accept our lives, our choices, and even ourselves. An extreme example of someone who has lost his/her way is the addict. Addicts, very literally, have lost their sense of self. In the process of addiction, the ability to discern the authentic self is impossible.
Part of the devastation that occurs for loved ones of addicts is that they watch as the addict goes from being someone who used to be plugged into his/her life to someone who only feels alive as a result of whatever is their substance of choice. The individual we knew and loved becomes more of a distant memory as the illness of addiction takes stronger hold on our loved one.
This issue of our magazine features articles by two incredible professionals, Todd Bradley and Jeff Jay, who share their insights and expertise in the arena of addiction and intervention. Part of why we wanted to do an issue that focuses in this area is that in our society, unfortunately there are countless numbers of individuals and families who are struggling or have struggled with this illness.
At our core, I believe that we all want to live succulent lives that are rich with the full expression of whom we are. Truly we all have so many incredible gifts to share with one another, and for those who are locked in the cycle of addiction, it can be a long road back to regaining your sense of self and rebuilding your future. But it can be done!
For all of the tragedies that occur as a result of addiction, there are also so many victories. These stories can help us to understand what it feels like to get so lost within your life, as well as how rewarding it can be to find your way back. The addict doesn’t firmly believe that he/she is worthy or capable of living a succulent, rich life, but if he/she can begin to embrace recovery, there are new discoveries, new aspects of themselves and new beginnings that can open up a new way of living.
May we all go into this month living lives that are succulent and rich, and sharing the fullness of whom we are with others!
